Inside My Secret Garden

A long time ago, I created a place in my heart to allow feelings to grow and die. I call this my ‘secret garden” because only I know what and who lives in there, who is allowed to grow in there and who shall remain buried. I’m not sure if I recently visited my private place to escape considering everything that has been going with Mike and I (the break up) but sometimes I think we all need to escape at times.

Many years ago I met a guy who for some reason has never left my secret garden. We had great times together, the chemistry was very strong and it felt natural and safe to be with him. Well, I moved away from that place and we lost contact for a few years. One day while I was in the kitchen my dishwasher gave out and stopped working, and then I went to do the dishes and use my garbage disposal, well that didn’t work either. So all along I’m like ‘great!’ Things happen in 3’s, what next?’ I go upstairs to go on the computer to locate an electrician to come by house to fix my appliances. The computer didn’t turn on, so I was like ‘okay this is the 3rd thing”; I take out my warranty and on the back of the warranty was a phone number of the ‘guy’ and so I called him. We had great conversations and we talked for days. One day I said “if it’s meant to be, then he will call me and say he’s moving here”. Well, a couple days later he asked me how far I lived from a certain airport and I told him it was about an hour and he said “that’s not to far to travel everyday” I was so happy inside thinking maybe he was thinking about moving there. Something happened (can’t recall) but we lost contact for years, oh and when were together (years ago) we danced to the song Hotel California (which I reference in my previous blog). All through the years I would test myself and say “if it’s meant to be with (the guy) I will hear our song, and as fate would have it, nine out of ten times this song would come on the radio. He flies for an airline (like mike but different airline), so many times I would test fate with this (guy) and I would always get “signs’ it was meant to be.

As you know, Mike and I broke up, it was Friday night and I remember laying in bed in Santa Monica (the same place and time Mike told me on the phone he wanted to break up with me) last weekend and asking above ‘if I’m not supposed to be with mike, then who?” I go downstairs and hear a showcase from a country artist, who is 17 years old, and she starts playing her country song and in the middle of the song without missing a beat, she goes into the song ‘Hotel California”. Inside, I can’t believe what I hear, and I just laugh inside to myself, I’m thinking it’s a sign. Later on that day I walk outside the hotel and a big truck comes by me and I turn my head to see it ,and right before my eyes there’s a big sign that says “The Hotel California” and so now I’m getting crazy, I’m thinking this is nuts. I get back home (to SF) and I say ‘okay if this is meant to be I will get a sign…And the next day my friend from Santa Monica sends me a picture of what? Yep the Hotel California so I’m going great this is too unreal.

I’m driving home yesterday from work and I test fate again and I say okay all this is too much to handle one more sign and I’m done. The radio is on as its scanning and I look above its (the guys’) plane 9the airline he flys for) is flying low above me as it’s getting ready to land and Hotel California comes on the radio at the same time. If this is freaking you out, imagine how I feel. I’m thinking maybe mike and I broke up for a reason, maybe I’m not meant to be with Mike but instead (this guy).

Today, I found a mutual friend of ours (the guy and I’s) and I ask him if (the guy) got married and he told me in fact he did. I didn’t feel bad, just confused. I mean I was getting all these ‘signs” right? I also got signs with Mike..did I chose to ignore them unfairly?

I learned something about myself today that maybe life just has strange coincidences and maybe we DO control our own destiny.

Were my signs with (the guy) a case of serendipity or a case of serenstupidity.

That will be an answer to remain unknown and buried inside my secret garden.

Until Next Time….

Much Love,