As I sit here in my kitchen wearing my white Royal Caribbean Cruise bath robe, tears fall down my face. I have a candle lit, there’s the sounds of classical music mixed with nature sounds playing in the background. I have a puppy named Bennie pictured left. Bennie is 3 years old and a really good boy. He’s healthy, well balanced and very playful according to his vet and his trainer.
Bennie isn’t the one I’m writing about.
I’m writing about his “brother” Jack (pictured left) Jack has been with me since he was born 14 years ago.
Being 14 years old in dog years is pretty old. That’s how old Jack is. He always acted like he was 5 years old…until 3 weeks ago. Keep in mind, I’ve had jack for 14 years so within those years together; we’ve moved 6 times, lived in 6 different states (because of my job), we’ve driven together across the country twice, hes’ met my boyfriends throughout the years, some he liked, some he didn’t. He always had the best of everything, after all, he is like a son to me. I’ve never had children but he’s been the closest there could be for me.
A few weeks ago, I noticed his behavior changing and his motor skills slowing down. His appetite decreased and he didn’t really drink too much water. Lately, he’s been eating more and drinking a lot of water. But something else happened while his appetite increased his memory has decreased. He now paces the houses for 10 hours a day and just circles the parameter of the house..constantly. His brain no longer knows how to tell him to rest. Each day I have to put him in my bedroom and psychically lay him down as he doesn’t know how to on his own anymore.
I lay with him until he falls asleep…which is where I just came from. It breaks my heart to know he is ailing. I took him to the vet and the vet said Jack is just getting old and he’s not in any pain. The vet said Jack is senial now, but he knows who I am. Jack is also now blind and deaf. I lay with him at night and it breaks my heart to know that his end is probably closer than I want to admit. He’s been my best friend since the day I adopted him. He can sense how I feel, I know he can. Tonight while I laid with him, I was crying, petting him and brushing my fingers through his hair behind his ears, to soothe him as his breathing isn’t too steady now. He felt my tear drop on his nose as I laid there with him and I told him that I am here for him…and he knew it. He looked up at me as to say “I know mom…I know.”
Tomorrow he will continue to do his circle of life I call it. I call it this because that’s all he knows right now, his own circle of life. He may not know where he’s going or even if he’s been there before but he’s determined to keep going. There’s a lot to be learned from all of this, no matter what life deals you, whether you know what it’s about or not..you must keep going…even if it is only in circles.
Until Next Time,
One thought on “The Circle of Life”
So sad Nikki, I am very aware of what you are going through, as our Golden Retriever Alfie, did similar things before he couldn't breath well anymore. We had to have the vet take care of him and we were there by his side when he drifted off. We knew he wasn't in any more pain and he was free from this world. His ashes were buried recently with my wife's ashes, don't tell the cemetery! We wanted to honor him this way because Alfie was a great service dog for Lisa and they had a special bond for 8 years. They are together again in heaven, but he's not a working dog anymore because Lisa is an angel with no pain, no suffering, and free from her wheel chair! Bless you Nikki during this difficult time and may your memories of Jack be precious ones to cherish all your life. Jerry
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