Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Jack Oct 1996 – Nov 2010
R.I.P Mommy Loves You

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      We all say losing a friend is one of the hardest things we go through in life. For a dog, I believe the same to be true. Dealing with the loss of someone special always takes time. The question is, “how much time does it take?”. It’s been almost three weeks since we lost Jack, my 14 year old America Eskimo, I raised him since he was 8 weeks old.

      There’s not a day that goes by I don’t think about him. I remember the day so clearly when I had to make the decision to put him down. His eating stopped, his “circle of life” became smaller and he didn’t know where he was. He was deaf, and blind and was not happy. He was in constant disarray and his mind had given up on him. I’m only glad to know he wasn’t in any pain.

      The sun was actually shinning. I took him for a 3 hour car ride and spoke with him while I was driving, reminding him of all the good times we shared, places we’ve lived, friends he’s met and reminded him what he taught his brother will live on for generations to come. After my drive, I decided to pull over to our favorite park and I laid with him under the 4th tree Oak tree. He was motionless and didn’t really know who I was. He never really liked it when I would touch his paws he’d always pull away. I laid with him caressing his hair behind his ears as the tears feel down my face. I knew the next trip was to the vets office. I cried so hard for hours that morning. I went to touch his paw and he pulled away and I asked in between my tears to “please let me touch your paws, just this once, please?” He then gave me his paw. I knew in my heart he too wanted to sleep, he wasn’t breathing right…unsteady and almost barely. His eyes were empty looking but somehow I  know in my heart we had our final bonding moment. I asked God to give me the strength because I knew it was time for Jack to go be with his mother in heaven. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, to put him down so he could rest.

       Speaking of resting, the first night when I came home from the vet, I couldn’t sleep as you could imagine. I feel asleep briefly as I woke in the middle of the night only to hear the paw steps of Jack dancing on the floor. It was a beautiful sound and it made me smile knowing he is happy. My puppy, Bennie (his brother) on the other hand is not happy now. Since, the day Jack didn’t come home, Bennie had only eaten 3 bowls of food in 6 days. He’s better now, but in the beginning he didn’t want to eat, play or do anything but lay where Jack used to lay in the house. Since then, Bennie has been doing better but not 100% better. Every morning, he gets up at 6am with me, I feed him, we play, we go for walk and when we get home, he sits by the window…waiting for Jack to come home.

  It breaks my heart to tell him, Jack isn’t coming home and that Jack is home with his own family. For the both of us, truth be known we are both waiting for Jack to return…and that’s the hardest part.

Until Next Time,
Much Love,
Nikki

One thought on “Waiting Is The Hardest Part

  1. Every life has its dark and cheerful hours.Happiness comes from choosing which to remember.Ben feels your loneliness and sadness over Jack. You have to let Jack go. You did the only thing you could do for Jack. He said thanks mom. Time for Ben to take over.

    Love to Heaven and back

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